without dead time

Most excellent article, from Gonzalo’s new blog…

http://colours.mahost.org/articles/martinez2.html

it begins

“If ever there was a time to break the habit of calling this country “America,” as if no other nations existed in this hemisphere, it is in the current era of Permanent War and arrogant empire-building.

“If ever there was a time for people in this white-dominated super-power to reject its racist contempt for 20 other American countries that happen to be of color, it is right now as Bush charges from one racist war to another.

“If ever there was a time when all of us need to expose the denial of truth, the hidden histories of crimes against humanity by the U.S., it is today when monumental lies have become the real weapons of mass destruction. . .”

Gonzalo’s blog, mostly about life as an immigrant to United States from Peru (and shenanigans ), is eloquent and powerful, and can be found here.

Kombucha batch #3 started today. First two batches were 6 bags gynostemma tea but the taste was a bit strong. This time it’s two bags gynostemma, 2 bags black tea, 1 bag green goji berry. I’m hoping it will taste like spring….

Also now have enough kombucha starter scobies to share with friends. Ask and ye shall receive…!

So I was just remembering a time, back in the day, when we all used to blog constantly. Back when I first got to Immokalee and had never heard of Myspace and all these people I now know and love were just concepts in my mind — badass folks and revolutionaries I never thought to have the good fortune to know much less to learn from — and we all got to know each other by updating our livejournals all the freaking time. I remember being the only one up at the house past 10 pm, checking all the doors at night like a watchdog, and then pouring over the events of my friend’s lives. It was a pretty good way to pass time in a place with nothing to do but work. But no one blogs anymore. I don’t even blog anymore. Maybe, I think I am just better now about picking up the phone and calling folk, also, I have more people that “get it” to talk to these days. The lack of that was the main impetus behind putting my innermost thoughts up on a computer screen for whoever chanced to find them.

I also had a deeply-held belief that writing about myself was ridiculously indulgent. I still do think this from time to time.

We were having this conversation about imagination the other day at work. One of my coworkers was saying that it must be great to have imagination. I still can’t believe anyone could actually lack imagination though. I mean, in this society? To not have that faculty? It would be horrible — there’s no other way to get through some of this shit without a rich fantasy life, at least of some sort. Like last week when they decided mountaintop removal would continue, for instance, after all the tears, I had to dream up the kind of resignation which comes naturally only to family pets crossing the country to California to find the owners who left them behind Maine; the kind of resignation that leaves your mind blank enough to separate from the trivial. Blank enough to be fascinated by the novelty of whatever you’re doing right then. It’s actually a pretty good state to be in — I think some of my friends are naturally in that state, all the time.

I started some cosmos flowers yesterday, and re-potted the growing spider plants. In the garden out back, all these onions have been growing underneath the eight inches of snow. Them things is resilient! I never thought to be inspired by an onion.

So much has happened in the past few months. Not that you would know it by how often I update this blog. We took a major road trip this summer, and stayed with the Lane family on the Navajo reservation in Arizona…and the fact that I even have to type the word “reservation” makes me close to sick. It’s almost just as bad that I can’t seem to connect the dots for other people when they ask about this experience. It was another way to stand in solidarity with affected people against the tradition of indigenous exploitation of this country.

And now, sitting here, and reviewing the past few weeks, what I remember well is the feeling I always had in east KY. The connection to people and the past, a connection that gets lost here somehow. Maybe it’s the turnover rate of the cities, maybe it’s the beauty of the mountains, I don’t really know.

And folks keep asking, wanting to understand. But I don’t nearly understand, myself.  

I know that people generally mean well, and I know that people generally do the best they can with what they have. I know that me being disaffected doesn’t help anything, and doesn’t let me give the best of myself to this world. But damn it I miss living in a place where it feels good to wake up in the mornings, to walk to work, to meander home and watch the mist in the mountains, to square dance til you can’t barely walk. And yeah, occasionally to swig whisky from a jug. I wish I knew where to be most effective.

We’re leaving for Black Mesa in less than a week. I don’t know who we will be staying with, but we have all our details worked out on this end including a massive bulk foods order which came in today at work. I call it “massive” because it’s nearly $200 (a fortune!) in food for two people for one month. Here we go. If you wish to communicate, this week is the time because we will be incomunicado until September.

As I was leaving work today, two of the contractors who had been working on the gutters all day were sitting in the bed of their truck. One of them yelled as I walked by. Even with my headphones on and Propaghandi blaring I heard “hey sexy!”. I kept walking in the direction of the bus stop and they yelled “hey!” and then “HEY!!!” in that deep voice you might use to stop a little kid who’s about to run headfirst into traffic. It was pretty shitty. I was going to ask “who are you talking to?” but after that patriarchal yell I just yanked my headphones off and yelled back, asking what the problem was. They both jumped and pointed to one another like they were embarassed to be caught or something. It is so frustrating not only to not have a response, but to be put in the position of needing to have a response.

We haven’t heard back from our contact at Black Mesa. Am getting worried…which is silly because I only made one attempt so far…what will we do if, after all this planning, we can’t go? It is too early to call the west coast. Clearly the only thing to do right now is to do something else.

It rained all day last night and yesterday which almost made me cry with relief. I have such a different relationship with the weather now: rain as life force, not event spoiler or day wrecker. The garden is doing just fine. We have peppers, greens, and more peppers, and two tomatillo plants staking claim on every inch of space between the tomatoes and the mustard. Who knew they grew so big? Yesterday, out of necessity, Jacob and I found ourselves in one of those department stores with fluorescent lights and tile floors and rows of semi expired soups at discount prices. I don’t know if it was the sheer quantities of stuff or the hospital-white atmosphere, but somehow it felt like I was being irradiated. Even the plastic sand pails and picnicware looked radioactive. I think I prefer the garden and the mountains to big box stores.

So, Antioch closed today , and I’m not sure how to feel about it. Well it didn’t close “today”, it announced the formal decision to close its doors one year from now in July 2008. It’s one of those things, I guess, that strikes from time to time: a sense of loss of place, of a place you knew and loved, of a place that shaped you and someplace you loved as well. Pretty insignificant in the grand scheme, but very significant to you. I suddenly remember telling my friend Amy that I didn’t want to go to Antioch, that I wasn’t ready for college, and never would be. I’ve known for awhile that the college was failing, and even when I was a student we all knew it had seen its heyday in the 70’s, and declined from there. But still, in 1999 we had some amazing times I can’t even describe. My college career was short, and I don’t regret that, but I do feel sad that we (my friends and I) never got to be “the alumni who came back”, you know, the folks who come to visit only to find new people where they themselves once were. Coming around full circle, as it were. This all sort of feels like the Vogue closing, only marginally less emotionally intense. Because I’ve been away from Antioch so long, I suppose.

All right, enough. This post is inexcusably self-indulgent. I guess the larger point is that, whatever its faults, Antioch existed as a school of free thought and liberation in an educational atmosphere of stringency and hierarchy. Maybe later when this all makes more sense I’ll come up with these points more succinctly but for now this will have to do. It’s really cool that this school existed in the first place. May it re-open in 2012 (!!!) to a brighter future.     

http://www.80stvthemes.com/commercials/

all children of the 80s, even if you loathe consumerism like I (especially if you loathe consumerism), this link here is an interesting look into mass commercialism and “feminism” (check out the Barbie video). Oh…trickle-down economics.

!! is all there is to say.  

http://www.retrojunk.com/ (a little more fun, and Thundercats, a little bit kitsch but hey)

Weird as they are, these spots provide an odd sense of comfort from time to time.

Today I brought my boss a copy of one of my aunt’s romance novels (meaning my aunt wrote them, not merely posseses them). We had been discussing the Harlequin novels and I suddenly remembered this bizarre fact (”my aunt writes romance novels!”) in the usual ‘Aramie has either something crazy to add to conversations, or nothing’ way. Between work drama, cheap novels, and the very recent personal tragedy of a family friend I have had plenty of time and reason to contemplate relationships, what they mean and what they never should. How strong community is everything. How you cannot be ”in love” and unfaithful. How getting stronger, better, and kinder is all there is to life. Very simple truths that seem to somehow, sadly, never get taken seriously by lots of people. But then I have to say, the fact that I understand these truths means that countless people who already got them were able to teach them to me. Good folks is out there, but the bad ones do the damage. Sorry to end on this note, but there’s a lot more thinking to do still.