updates
All right. So xmas is over and it was a pretty good one this year. Good in the sense that I got along reasonably well with the fam – the best ever in fact — which is awesome. My sister came into town and is still here. While we have very different concepts of how to live and how to make a difference in the world, it is a lot of fun hanging out with her. We just don’t discuss anything too serious…what I hate and will not do is get into unwelcome, heated debates.
After much deliberation I decided not to submit for the Immokalee/Chicago position. In the long term the better decision for me is to stay here in my own community and work. No need to be flying off here and there every few months. This may be the better decision but it’s also the harder one. I do plan to go on the entire Truth Tour in April, however, as long as there is room or a need. That’s almost as good in terms of fun, not quite as good in terms of career advancement. Ah, well. My place is here.
I still wanna go to Immokalee for Lupita’s wedding in a couple weeks. That is certainly do-able. And there is some excitement coming up, right, in terms of contacting and reconnecting to folks here. Today in fact I am headed to the Fairness office to volunteer and catch up and (ARG) phone bank. Plus I Love Mountains Day is coming up (we get to swarm Frankfort!) and lots of Food Not Bombs (we get to swarm parks!).
I also have a beautiful new obsession
Look for me jammin anti-MTR songs on the nearest city street corner 
irresponsiblity circa now
Last night I went out with zoo people. Some of you may remember that “just for the money” job I had last summer at the zoo — a potentially cool job — which was rendered completely miserable by the presence of conservative, homophobic social-climbers. The sexist remarks were overwhelming. Vegetarianism was like a mortal sin. I got shit on a daily basis for my partner at the time, who was Mexican and not an English speaker (one favorite quote “I think it’s illegal to speak Spanish if you’re not in Spain”– this second only to a host of lovely racial epithets). Them’s were the days! Anyway, in the midst of this I found a couple down-ass folks and it was them I went out with last night. Of course we did a lot of trash talkin’ which, I now realize, was our tried and true defensive mechanism on the job after months of dealing with that shit. It’s another me who thinks all that can be fun. And it was awesome to recall the day we all said fuck it and went out and played mandolin behind the dumpsters. But I also felt immature and unhealthy, especially getting back to my car and deciding I was too impaired to drive safely. Irresponsibility-circa-1999 type shit.
Good things have come of this, however. I feel motivated to get another job (isn’t that funny?). I finally feel like sticking around one place for a long time (that may be due in part to the KFTC meeting yesterday). I feel lucky to have someone in my life who loves me unconditionally – even the me who goes out and gets drunk with zoo people — and who can abide by my occassional minor transgressions i.e. 2 am phone calls asking for a ride. I think it’s awesome that progressive people can exist even in a place like the zoo. For all this I am grateful. But I think it’s time to retire “Jolene”.
festival of lights
It’s Hanukkah, yawl! A few days ago my dear friend Tess asked me to explain the very basic basics of this holiday and I rather failed at doing so. Embarassing, yes, but Hanukkah is actually a very minor Jewish celebration, brought into the realm of consumeristic hype only by those attempting to equate it to other winter holidays – ”the Jewish Christmas” — which is not only incorrect but also disrespectful.
So! If you care to read what I should have said to Tess:
“Hanukah, the Hebrew word meaning dedication, is celebrated for eight days in the Hebrew month of Kislev, which usually occurs in mid to late December.
Hanukah recalls the struggle for religious freedom and commemorates the victory of the Jews over the Hellenistic Syrians in the year 165 B.C.E.“
That’s the idea. The miracle of the Eight Days of Hanukkah, as described in the Talmud, celebrates the re-dedication of the temple after its desecration by the Seleucids. The Maccabees (Jewish rebels) found only enough olive oil to burn for one day but miraculously the oil burned for eight days — long enough to sort out the temple and press and consecrate new oil. Modern-day Jews typically light candles after sundown, increasing by one the number lit each evening, reciting blessings over the pre-lit candles.
And now that this has started to sound like a wikipedia article, it’s probably time to stop. Happy Hanukkah, everyone!
i’m so into haiku!
Too many words can be overwhelming.
A tree in the wind
The wind in a tree
All in me.
Haiku is nice, so simple and eloquent.
is this reasonable?
herbs!
Lately I have gotten back into herbalism; it was a big interest in high school but since no one else was down it wasn’t as much fun to continue learning (these things are always more fun to do in groups). Obviously I am no expert here but I have spent the past few days feeling physically amazing and just feel the need to share. If you’re interested in any of this, do your own research too before partaking.
First and easiest is Yogi Detox Tea (this is available everywhere) which is nothing I would normally put any faith in, it being manufactured and packaged and all. This tea is pretty mild and everyone who drinks it feels nice afterwards. It mostly contains blood purifiers like dandelion and burdock root which brings me to my most recent interest: plain burdock root tea.
Burdock acts on the kidneys and liver as a purifier, eliminating toxins. It’s also a mild diaphoretic (sweat-inducer). Burdock is credited with making skin look and feel amazing but I imagine that’s mostly cause the body is being cleansed and it shows. The tea is great topically for treating eczema. Burdock also regulates hormones and is safe to use — unless you are pregnant or breastfeeding. A lot of us folks do a healthy amount of drinking and whatnot…while there’s nothing wrong with this in general it’s probably a good idea to give your system some support now and then…like spring cleaning! Plus (need I reiterate) you feel good. It’s cool. Detox tea!
Sitting here, and the futility of everything just hit me like a ton of bricks, and I wonder: how have I managed to keep hope alive when the only thing that seems to matter at all is how things feel from second to second? I am back in Louisville, and I have nothing to do except think about myself.
So here it is, folks, friends, everyone: I am 26. I have lived a million different lives. I have not excelled in anything except riding dressage (which I will never do again because it requires horses which require money) and writing (which I don’t think was true excellence; it’s just that I used to be able to imitate other good writers well). I have no ambition for school or business. I have nothing to contribute to “social justice” except passion and a little bit of pluck. I am too serious, and need to lighten up. I have not had a dance party in a really long time and it doesn’t matter cause I can’t let loose anymore anyway. I am the product of two people who are by now long-gone and apparently don’t remember that they ever had a child. My reason right now for existing is simply to live and not hurt others.
I have spent years hiding my true self from myself, my family. Thinking about what the person in front of me wants to see. Trying to be everything to everyone and I can’t do it anymore. People can think I am quiet, or awkward, or quirky (all of which is true) but whenever I start to feel ridiculous all I have to do is think of my amazing friends and the fact that the only reason I feel like an outsider is that they are all scattered around the globe. And I miss them.
So yes, all this is self-centered. And yeah, I feel bad for using the word “I” in practically every sentence. But I’m not quite sure what I am living for, see, and need to figure it out sometime soon. Do I have a future? Do I have a “career”? I don’t know, but I’m always okay and so far that’s the saving grace.
beauty in simplicity
The mind of the past is ungraspable;
the mind of the future is ungraspable;
the mind of the present is ungraspable.
–Diamond Sutra, pre-900 CE
Yeah. When my mind is hot working overtime this is like cool, wet sand.
the fabulous quotes of bill caylor
fyi, Bill Caylor is the president of the Kentucky Coal Association.
“To imply that we’re flattening Appalachia is so untrue. We’re creating level land for Appalachia.”
“I clearly think [anti-mountaintop removal information] is for shock value. They’re playing the emotional card on us.”
“If the environmentalists would stop their litigation we might see some real progress in the region” [not the exact words but the general idea -- correct this if you heard it too]
tonight, it’s just that
For me, I realized academia, the reason I got out of it, the reason I fear it
