irresponsiblity circa now
Last night I went out with zoo people. Some of you may remember that “just for the money” job I had last summer at the zoo — a potentially cool job — which was rendered completely miserable by the presence of conservative, homophobic social-climbers. The sexist remarks were overwhelming. Vegetarianism was like a mortal sin. I got shit on a daily basis for my partner at the time, who was Mexican and not an English speaker (one favorite quote “I think it’s illegal to speak Spanish if you’re not in Spain”– this second only to a host of lovely racial epithets). Them’s were the days! Anyway, in the midst of this I found a couple down-ass folks and it was them I went out with last night. Of course we did a lot of trash talkin’ which, I now realize, was our tried and true defensive mechanism on the job after months of dealing with that shit. It’s another me who thinks all that can be fun. And it was awesome to recall the day we all said fuck it and went out and played mandolin behind the dumpsters. But I also felt immature and unhealthy, especially getting back to my car and deciding I was too impaired to drive safely. Irresponsibility-circa-1999 type shit.
Good things have come of this, however. I feel motivated to get another job (isn’t that funny?). I finally feel like sticking around one place for a long time (that may be due in part to the KFTC meeting yesterday). I feel lucky to have someone in my life who loves me unconditionally – even the me who goes out and gets drunk with zoo people — and who can abide by my occassional minor transgressions i.e. 2 am phone calls asking for a ride. I think it’s awesome that progressive people can exist even in a place like the zoo. For all this I am grateful. But I think it’s time to retire “Jolene”.
