categories bother me
Oh…organizing has been started for the CIW mobilization in April and I’m getting that old, familiar “can I do this?” feeling. Not “can it be done?” (because I know without a doubt that it can be) but “can I do this?”. This is so different from putting together a benefit, or an action, because now there is a goal and severe logistical obstacles and oh…god. I feel pretty alone here, that’s the worst. If there was just one other person here to work with!
A couple weeks ago Jacob and I went to a hootenanny (like a fandango, only with bluegrass music) at the Unitarian church. We had our instruments, mandolin and guitar, and followed along all sorts of old classics. It made me miss mountain folk, who I may see more of in the near future cause I’ve been encouraged to apply for another job with KFTC! We shall see. It’s a constant struggle between wanting to be absolutely transitory and needing some stability if I’m to get anywhere in life. Of all my friends, Jason probably understands this best…years on the move, only to land the job you’ve always wanted, only to need to move around again and explore. (That damn situation!)
The plus is that a good job means getting to visit my lovely and beautiful Amy and Keri friends! On a plane — though — but whatever, life cannot really ever be controlled. Last night on the way to the theater (Sherlock Holmes! the final adventure!) Jacob and I were talkin about correct usage of the word “absurd”. As I suspected, the concept is not merely synonymous with “ridiculous” but instead refers to ridiculous inconguity, situations that should have happened, and didn’t, because of principle incompatability. What was the example I just read? The manifestation of the Judeo-Christian God, is argued as absurd, as he is presented as both transcendent of human categorization while simultaneously being presented as having the human capacities to love, teach, judge, and every other infinite trait. Jesus being presented as perfectly mortal yet completely immortal. That kind of thing. Not in keeping with logic, a tenuous argument at best.
Believing in yourself enough to create an idea and a plan, but self-sabotaging its implimenting. Wanting to work as effectively as possible for change but constantly depriving yourself of the resources to do so. Having the best, most loving, interesting and kick-ass folks to count around you as your friends but still sequestering yourself away to read and write in an attic — heh! until they pull you out that is, for karaoke, movies, and art nights.
Right. Right. I have an absurd notion of the past. And Vietnamese food in the fridge! My work for the day is clear….
